Grrrrr!

I was not ready to publish my last post, but the edit feature is once again doing funky stuff and I want to scream! It worked just fine this morning at the Brew, but now it's not. So, I am just going to continue on with this post.

So, back to my current question "Is it possible to experience a range of emotions all at once?". Either it is and I have very quickly become an expert at it or I am simply swinging from one emotion to the next in rapid succession.

Take this morning for example. I was at the Brew, writing, drinking coffee and having an overall good Saturday morning. I went up to refill my mug and saw an acquaintance who had recently been facebooking about her annual swimsuit quest. We casually chatted and laughed about how frustrating that quest always is, and then she introduced me to the other people at her table and told them where I live. She then turned to me and caringly asked if I would be able to stay in my house. The tears immediately came on, suddenly and with a sort of fury. I turned into the red, puffy pathetic mess that I wrote about in an earlier post. This dear woman did nothing wrong, asked nothing inappropriate, asked nothing that many others have not already asked, asked nothing that I don't think about all of the time. Maybe I should start carrying a card that explains my condition. Seriously! It could say something like "Please forgive me for crying. I hope that I did not make you feel bad/stupid/embarrassed. You most likely said nothing wrong. My husband left me and I am now on the fast track towards single-motherhood. Have a nice day!". What should I put on the other side of the card? A cool graphic or a quote? Maybe a big yellow smiley face.

So why does this continue to happen, over and over and over again? Why does this happen when I know that Crosby and I going to be okay. Why does this happen? My pastor and friend, David, explained to me a while ago that I am in "'a very thin space". Initially I didn't really understand what he meant by that, but I am beginning to. I can be feeling fine, but can so quickly and easily slip into the volatile emotional state of "oh god, what is happening to me/what am I going to do/do people think that I am a pathetic idiot?". Thankfully I somehow manage to slip back into the "I okay" zone fairly easily. Just a wild guess, but I would bet that this is not happening to Tim. Yet another injustice for those of us left behind.