Okay, so maybe I am...

I have had fun this weekend, but have also been pretty down. My discovery a few minutes ago that Tim "unfriended" me on Facebook further contributed to my sadness. It seemed to start on Thursday evening as I drove through the rainy darkness to Lima with lots of time for thinking. I started recalling the many road trips that Tim and I went on together. How I would often bring a book to read aloud or an audio book. I would even bring a headlamp to wear so that I could continue reading when it got dark outside. Dorky, but fun.

I just keep thinking "Don't you wonder how we are, or at the very least, how Crosby is? Don't you wonder what he's doing? Do you ever miss us, even just a little?". The waterpark was obviously filled with families. Moms and dads and kids. I felt pathetic, like I should wear a sign around my neck saying "Yes, my husband left me". And angry.

I must say that Crosby had a blast at the waterpark, which meant that I had fun. There was a small red slide that he must have went down a hundred times. There were also steering wheels that when turned, caused water to shoot up from the ground. And a very low basketball hoop that I lifted him up to over and over again. He ran and laughed and smiled and squealed with delight and hugged his cousins over and over. These things all made me a very happy momma. Oh, and birthday cake. The birthday cake for grandma (and a very important correction, grandma was 62 yesterday, not 63. Sorry about that mom) was a huge hit. Crosby even woke up in the night and declared that he needed more birthday cake. He's such a funny little guy.

Something that I am trying to do somewhat regularly is a gratitude journal. I know it's a little "Oprah-esque", but I think it's a healthy thing for me to do. It seems to be a good way to re-focus my thinking and energy because I can become consumed with the crap. I don't want to be a bitter, negative person and there is no reason for that to happen. I have an abundance of people and opportunities that I am so grateful for. In spite of the recent events, I have a life to live. I keep collecting quotes about gratitude as well. Here's my latest favorite.

The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. Today I am blessed. ~Maya Angelou